If you have just recently gone through a divorce, whether amicable or bitter, you no doubt now find yourself in a situation that you never really imagined you would be in again – entering the world of dating! Dating after divorce is a situation many, many people are confronted with, and many people jump right into the turbulent waters of dating again without really pausing to consider all of the effects dating may have on themselves and children that may be going through the divorce process, too. Others, however, are more cautious about single again dating.

It's natural that you would want to get on with your life and start dating right away, but it's also just as natural to be timid about the prospect of seeing someone new. If you are considering dating after a divorce, here are some tips to guide you on your way:


1. There Is No Right Time

Now, you may have heard that old adage about widows waiting a year after the death of their spouse before moving on into a new relationship. There just isn't such an adage in the case of divorce. Rather, the decision about when to date after a divorce is more of a personal decision. Certainly you will want to be emotionally ready, but it's also perfectly fine to enter the world of dating again to gain some self-confidence and to simply test the waters, so to speak, to see what dating is like nowadays. You don't necessarily need to be at a point where you are emotionally ready to commit to a long-term relationship just to start dating again.

Now, if there are children involved, it is in their best interest to approach dating with their emotions in mind. You will want to consider relations with your ex and your kids as well as with yourself and your kids, and you should also consider where your children are at emotionally with the divorce before you begin dating.

2. There May Be A Wrong Time

Many people do start dating again before a divorce is finalized, but this may not be the most prudent decision. Certainly, this is a matter that you may want to speak with your attorney about, and this is especially true if your divorce is turning bitter with a custody dispute, a financial dispute, or some other issue where your dating life may become a factor.

Beyond the legal aspects of dating before a divorce is final, though, is the fact a divorce is truly an emotional time in anyone's life, and from a psychological and emotional standpoint, it can be difficult to offer yourself emotionally to another person when you are going through the turbulent waves of emotion that a divorce inevitably creates. If your divorce is not yet final, it is often best to spend some time reflecting on your past relationship, and use the time to consider what you want out of a new relationship and a new partner. Taking this time to yourself will put you in a better place to begin dating once the legal aspect of the divorce has been finalized.

3. Avoid Swinging the Pendulum in the Opposite Direction

Many people, men and women alike, who have just endured the emotional trauma of a divorce, often have the intense desire to really swing the pendulum in the opposite direction and date someone who is the complete opposite of their ex. Now there are times when dating a complete opposite may be just what you need, and that may be if your ex was emotionally, physically or verbally abusive. In cases like this, it is really great to find an opposite so you can see how great relationships really can be. By choosing someone who is a complete opposite from your ex, in this case you are truly learning from your past relationship mistakes.

However, if the problem was not with your ex as a person but rather with other issues like the dynamics of the relationship, you may find that you chose your ex because there were qualities in him or her that you found attractive and that were compatible with your own personality. Consider the swing of the pendulum very carefully as you embark into this brave new world of single again dating!

4. Self-Confidence Is Sexy (and a “Must”)

Many people say that they find self-confidence to be a sexy trait in a potential mate, and portraying an air of self-confidence can definitely help you to attract a suitable new partner for a new relationship. However, self-confidence is about more than just how you portray yourself to the world. It is also about who you are as a person and how you feel about yourself. Divorce can really eat away at your self-confidence, and so you should be absolutely honest with yourself about where you are at emotionally before you start dating again.

The fact is that entering the dating world timidly on tiptoes to gain some self-confidence may be just what you need to get that boost you need after a divorce. However, there is no guarantee that any new dating relationship you enter into is going to work out well, and you absolutely need to be in a solid emotional state before you start dating to ensure that if another relationship falls off kilter, you won't find yourself in a fragile emotional state.

5. Plan For the Future

When you were married, you likely had some pretty long-term plans laid out in front of you that included your then-spouse. After a divorce, however, your future plans can really be on shaky ground. Before you begin dating again, it can be helpful for you to sit down and really decide what you want out of your life on a personal level. You can consider things like your professional aspirations, financial goals, volunteer work, going back to school, and more. This list of goals and plans for the future can serve as a guiding light for you as you move your life forward in the direction you really want to go.

Your list can help you find a great soul mate, too. With your list of plans and goals in hand, think about the kind of person who you would realistically want by your side as you walk through your life and work to achieve the plans and goals you have in mind. You should refer back to your plans often, and with each new person who you date, you should determine if they are someone who could be a good partner for you in the life you want to lead.

While developing a plan for the future may help to keep you goal-oriented, you should also leave yourself plenty of time to relax, have fun with friends and family, and simply enjoy living your life.

About The Author

Sarah T. Connor is a reputable Internet dating safety advocate who has been actively promoting the passage of Federal laws in this area. She holds a Bachelor of Science degree from the University of Maryland, and currently regularly publishes free online dating advice on Free-DateHookup an online dating site for singles.