So many singles today, both men and women alike, claim to embrace the single lifestyle. While there are some souls who truly are happier single than they would be in a committed, monogamous relationship, many other people use that claim as a cover story. If you are reading this article, chances are that you may be someone who falls into that latter group or perhaps this question may touch you more directly. Deep down, you may wish you had a partner to go through life with. So why are you still single then?
Some singles advisors have suggested that the answer to that question can be found by looking inside ourselves. Often, there can be some mental barrier, destructive thoughts, behavior patterns, or just a plain negative attitude that is the crux of the matter. This article identifies five areas that can pose stumbling blocks to the development of positive relationships. As you read through this list, look deep inside yourself with complete honesty, and you may find that one or more of these factors have a role in your life story.
Too Judgmental About the Opposite Sex
Each of us is a complex and unique individual, unlike all of the other people you know. Yet many of us have a tendency to lump everyone in the opposite sex into one group. More than that, however, some negative feelings towards the opposite sex may have developed over the years, and this results in an attitude that can be quite judgmental or even negative about the opposite sex. There may be some very legitimate reasons to feel burned or scorned by the opposite sex, but to find happiness in a relationship, it may be necessary to learn how to turn off the contempt and look at each new person as the individual who they truly are rather than merely someone from the opposite sex. When we stereotype a potential new partner into a list of certain preconceived characteristics and traits based on their gender, it robs them of the chance to show us who they really are.
Fear Losing Our Own Identity
Many people fear that they have to pretend to be someone they aren't to attract a potential mate. This is a self-confidence issue that absolutely should be addressed in a forthright manner. Each of us has to love her/his self before expecting anyone else to love us in return. Before each new date, it helps to think of three to five things that you love about yourself and that your date may find interesting. Don't exaggerate these things, but really be honest about them. The fact is that not everyone shares the same interests, and just because your date doesn't have common interests with you does not mean that something is wrong with you or them. Being honest about your true self from the start helps to ensure that the relationship that does go forward is developed on honesty and trust. It also ensures that you find someone who loves you for being yourself.
All Of The Good Men Or Women Are Taken
Over time, it sure can seem as though all of our friends are either married or in a committed relationship. It can also seem like we are stuck with never finding that perfect someone who is our soul mate, but that isn't true. However, instead, of waiting for that special someone to randomly come knocking on our door out of the blue you have to get out there and meet new people. Put yourself in social situations with events where you know you will have fun. Hanging out in singles bars may not be the best place to find your soul mate, but if you have a special interest like running, golfing, painting, and so forth, spending time in those social settings and participating in groups for these activities will help you to meet people who share similar interests. The fact is that good people are absolutely out there, and they are not all taken. We simply have to put ourselves in a position to find them.
We Would Be Happy If Only We Were In A Relationship
That is a lot of pressure to put on a relationship before it even starts! There is truth to the fact that being in a committed relationship can help you find new levels of happiness in your life. Yet entering into a relationship without being on solid emotional ground doesn't give a new relationship the sound foundation it needs to grow. Before going on another date, spend time thinking about what makes you happy in your life. Consider things like personal interests, recreational sports activities, volunteer work, and others. Take time to pursue these interests and find sources of happiness in your life beyond a relationship. When you start dating again, your emotional state will be in a better condition to foster a romantic relationship.
Attracting the “Wrong People”
Take a moment to look back across the last few relationships you've had. If you can spot a specific pattern, such as relationships riddled with infidelity, verbal abuse, or other such negative behaviors, it certainly is easy to think that you are the problem. After all, you are the common denominator in those relationships. However, take time to understand that you have some control in your relationships. The fact is that you set the guidelines for how people treat you. You very likely may be sending out signals that invite a certain type of treatment or a certain behavior pattern in a mate through your own thoughts and behaviors. Take time to break this behavior by developing a great sense of self-worth and self-confidence. Understand that control over whom you date is in your own hands. Also, fully believe that you do deserve to be in a relationship with someone who is kind, respectful and loves who you are as a person.
As you have read through this list of common problem areas that many singles have with relationships, you may have identified with one or two of these areas. If not, take the time to examine your conscious and see if it can lead you to discover your own unique characteristics that influence your relationships. Understanding where your relationship issues are is a first step towards finding happiness in a healthy, monogamous relationship.
About The Author
Sarah T. Connor is a successful dating advice guru and the publisher of Free-DateHookup.com a 100% totally free online dating and matching service for singles who are looking for that special someone. Sarah Connor has a B.S. Degree from the University of Maryland.