Ahh...the question to ask for all those seeking their loves: where to meet a date? I, however, find that two aspects of dating should be looked at. There's a little philosophy in here that we over look, because we are so eager to find the date, we forget how to find the date. Don't forget the how! Dating is almost another conquest for our daily lives, like a checklist mixed in with the coffee beans and 2% milk. We know the obvious places a desirable partner would be: the library, the coffee shop, the park, the bar, oh, the bar, and dare I say the want Ads. Now technology has advanced us to the dating website, and we are flooded with blurbs of a woman or man's desire's, profession, and their favorite pedigree of dog. However, we forget the method and philosophy to seeking is to live like you are not seeking a partner at all. We know the where's but do not, long lost culture of technology, forget about your attitude and demeanor that you set forth in life. And so, I say seek in other ways! The most productive way to find a partner is the approach of not looking, going about places to do what you were set to do in them. Make connections in a natural state of being...if you went to the coffee shop to drink coffee, then so be it, drink away. All the good things happen suddenly and fast, while you were making plans and living in the moment, life (and lovers) happen. Trust me, there's nothing sexier than a person who is living in the moment...
Our attitude towards the world has greatly make-shifted since we are on information over-load. A human being is not meant to connect with over 100 people a day, we can get burnt out with our species---yes it is true. The masses are exhausting--this is why I hate the mall. I start to have a panic attack at the mall. There is too much stimulation, too many people clicking their heals, eating bad food, and buying bad merchandise. Even the clothes and the perfumes mixed together nauseate me. So, imagine in a fluster, an individual trying so hard to find a mate, the outcome feeling of just FRUSTRATED is a probable result. Perhaps because we are overwhelmed? Which blurbs and pretty picture to pick on for our tired little hands is daunting sometimes. The amount of information we consume each day on the internet combined with our total interactions with people every day is a deciding factor on the success of your dating life. Humans need breaks from people! We also need people! Oh, what a funny little conundrum. How is this little sociological contradiction solved? Pick and choose your websites. Pick and choose your activities. Don't go to five dating websites, so your like a video whore. No, no. That's tacky. Don't go bowling, book clubbing, hiking, rock-climbing, jogging club, poker gaming, in the same week. Be natural and live easily. Get back to basics so you have the energy to focus on the one site you join or enjoy your coffee at your favorite new hangout or love the fact that you started rock-climbing--but your sticking to it and building relationships with the new people you have already met. You don't want to meet people just to meet girls, and then disappear like Casper the awkward ghost, to just try a new club. Stick with what you got, and you will see results!
The Rubber-Necking MUST Stop!
So many young ones, and old souls who are searching for companionship, maybe not even loves, but a decent date, a conversation, are disappointed. Now why is this? Because the population is dwindling. The population is not dwindling. Our capacity to meet individuals with the same criteria at the right time in the right chat room, in the right bar, in the right universe, at the moment has passed and we have missed our conversation, our flirtation, or the love of our life. This is wrong too. We are lover rubber-neckers--
You ask me, what is this? Well, I'm a young woman, a young woman who loves to write, and observe the human race, that lately is looking pretty alien, in all of our desperation to find one's companions or many (as it is these days...but that's another article), stretching and straining our necks so hard looking for who to nest with like observing a bad car wreck in a bar. When I see a guy in a bar or a coffee shop or park, straining his neck so bad to check me out, all I can do is laugh, and then write about him sympathetically in an article like this one.
Think of all the natural interactions we have with one and another on a every day basis? We get up, we have a cup of coffee, we go out for it, or stay in. we stay in, we probably go on the computer, have some news, check your dating sites, check your e-mail. check your porn. We get dressed we go out on the town or in the country to work and see people, with hopefully a natural disposition and love for life.
As I see it, it is undeniable our modern world is changing the expectations of dating. The expectation of having children and mating are even higher. I remember going home to my small town and every girl by 21 had an engagement ring of some sort on that finger. I chuckled. I was smooth and easy. Smooth and easy till you kind of get this bug in your heart that affects your brain and then your heart and brain are buzzing uncontrollably in a frenzy wanting to mate. Yes, technology still has the science of the human body to contend with. However, our technological approaches at achieving ever lasting love can be dizzying.
Think back to the days of revolution. You did not wake up and think: I must have a career. I must fall in love. I must have children by the time....fill in the blank..
Back in the days of revolutionary wars and conquering land, life was what happened to you while you were busy dripping wax to seal love letters —I still want to do this! Why were there so many babies born in the time of wars—historians and sociologist say a flush of madness goes over the men and their over-active brains say; “must breed before I die.”
I don't know if the flush of madness that exists today, the stress of our culture, economic, or not, has anything to do with this madness to find somebody like we are being shipped out to war the following day in this year of 2021. History does repeat itself, however, John Lennon always had his lines spot on, and life does and will happen to an individual if they are simply living life naturally.
A Working Experiment for the Lonely Hunters
So, here its, lovely, America, or anywhere for that matter. Get up, have your coffee, go on your sites, go out into the big, big world, where we say our mates are not, and do not look for the mates. No, No,no. Do not do this! Go out and love everyone for a day. Even if you don't want to date them. I know, this sounds weird. Just do it, for a day, and see how the universe twists a little. Now the next day: get up, have your coffee, have your tea, and go to the internet, have your internet dating sites and your g-mail, and porn extravaganzas. Don't forget to brush the teeth. And go out into the world like it is big and beautiful, but like it is made for you, and you alone---now, don't get cocky here, but go out like you have things to do, and you do have things to do, and if you don't then you shouldn't be dating....nobody wants a date that doesn't have interests -note that, take that to heart.
I say this all from my mom and my sister and other wonderful women's advice: Just as you are living life, going about your day, you meet somebody. And there they are...and hopefully it was like they were always there...just waiting." But hopefully, they are not a stalker who was always waiting. Now, that's just weird.
Live life like you are not searching, but just living for yourself, and this is how we can find mates, create joy, and do what we are intrinsically meant to do as human beings, be social animals in times of war, technology, and the ever- loving present.